A long, long, time ago, in my teens, instead of only reading the section of the Sunday newspaper plastered with almost life-sized posters of heartthrobs and advice on what shade of lipstick to wear, I idly flipped through the pages. Although the details are warped by time, an article I read was bookmarked in my memory. A woman from Trinidad had volunteered (perhaps it was a refugee camp) in an African country. She recounted the meagre facilities while caring for a frail elderly man. While she helped him with actions we take for granted; sipping water, eating and getting dressed, he quietly spoke about his life. His words intricately wound themselves onto her as she carried them, one sentence at a time like a cashmere scarf around her body. One day, he requested fruit and she had walked off to find some. When she returned to his bedside, he had passed away.
After reading the article, I felt such a strong bond to her. Enamored with her selflessness, fascinated as to why she had given her time to service. This was eons before social media, so I could not track her down, but I did try a few years ago, asking on Facebook if anyone remembered the story.
When I created this website, I headed a section called SPOTLIGHT. To create a space for the ones that could imprint hearts the same way she had mine.
An Angel’s Mom
A forty minutes walk, a ten minute car journey or a twenty minute ride on a ‘cocoa benz’ is how far away Rabia and I lived from each other in Biche. Our childhood homes were shaded by ancient trees, while the backyards shimmering with jewels of fruit and the occasional wild animal. I knew her as soon as I knew myself.
Before today, I would describe Rabia as ‘pretty, pretty.’ But more adjectives have poured, at the same rate of my tears when she allowed me to share her story.
Angel is Rabia’s first child.
During the first 7 months of my pregnancy with Angel, I had really bad morning sickness; so instead of gaining weight, I was losing weight. I was on a constant fluctuation between 105lbs and 111lbs. She had first kicked when she was about four and a half months into the pregnancy, and I was so extremely excited.
She used to move a lot during the day, especially when she heard music, she would kick so much, it was like she was playing football. Her dad decided to buy her a football with all the flags of the countries in the world on it, with the hope that his baby girl would share his love for the sport. Unfortunately, one month before I was due to have her, my father passed away unexpectedly with a massive heart attack. This was both painful and traumatic to say the least, since he had so much plans for his first grandchild. On the 20th of May,2002, I was getting silent contractions where I was having contractions but no pain, so the doctor decided to induce labour. Later that evening, because they realized that my labour was not progressing, they administered a second induction, which after I began having plenty of contractions with a lot of pain. However, the times of the contractions were varying, some 5 minutes apart, some delayed to even 10 minutes apart. The doctors and nurses decided to do a contraction stress test when I reached 7cm dilated, where they realized that Angel’s heart rate was very faint and dropping, and I was not dilating fast enough to deliver. She was stuck in the birth canal and ended up swallowing and ingesting amniotic fluid. The decision was made to have an emergency c section around 9p.m. on the 21st of May. Unfortunately, by the time of the delivery, she had already stopped breathing and her heart had stopped. The doctors worked to resuscitate her, while I was still under operation. My husband was able to go with our daughter to do necessary X-rays and scans. She was born a plump, pink, pretty baby with a head full of hair and bright pink lips. She was the biggest of all my girls, at 7lbs, 6oz. Little did we know, it was just the beginning of her fight.
That same night, my husband and I got a pediatrician to evaluate her. They expressed that she was healthy and showed no signs of brain injury, so we would be able to take her home. However the next day she started to experience seizures, so she had to be transported to the Mt. Hope Children’s Hospital, where she battled for her life for over a month. There was a point in her battle where doctors told my husband and I that she would not make it and they suggested that we have our family come in to say goodbye. During that period, she had to have her lungs and stomach suctioned multiple times a day, she developed sepsis, had to have both blood and platelet transfusions, her stomach and intestines had bleeding and she developed jaundice. Her kidneys had stopped functioning optimally, at which point they had to catheterize her and change the IV accesses constantly from her hands, to her neck, to her feet, where she has drip burns that are visible to this day. She started getting seizures, prompting the doctors to put her in a medically induced coma for two weeks. Out of the two weeks that she was in a medically induced coma, she was placed under a light to combat the jaundice. Very slowly, her body started healing and recovering. With the multiple blood and platelet transfusions and antibiotics, she started to show progress. The doctors were very dedicated and they did everything they could at the point in time, which thankfully worked out well. She was able to be taken out of the incubator and leave the NICU after 4 weeks and transferred to the High Dependency Unit. She then stayed there for about one more week, where they were able to finally start feeding with formula and make sure that her vitals stabilized. When they were able to ensure all the medication that was given through the drip was completed, she was able to come home.
Angel’s name was given to her by her grandmother Sheila, when doctors told us that her prognosis was grim. She said,
“No, name her Angel, she’s a fighter. She’s our little Angel”
Angel is now 23, going on 24 years old. She defied expectations because they told us that she would not live past the age of 5. That she would get very tired when she does small activities and moves around. Now she is a very active 23 year old.
I knew that Angel was always involved in family activities. I asked Rabia if that was an easy decision and if she could travel anywhere in the world, where would that be.
“Of course it was, that was never up for discussion. She has always been an integral part of our family and even though she is not physically able like the rest of us, she is one of us. She has every right to experience that this life has things to look forward to. That even though she has been dealt unfortunate cards, she can still win the game.”
My dream vacation would be a family trip to Switzerland or the Netherlands and even Norway. Switzerland has always been a dream destination of mine; the Alps and fairytale atmosphere of it all has enraptured me ever since. To be surrounded by such pristine nature, waking up in the morning to see waterfalls in the distance, outside your window,blue rivers and streams filled with water that looks untouched by man. The rolling hills and beautiful scenery is something I would love to see in this lifetime. To see the northern lights in Norway is something on my bucket list. I want to wake up in the morning to snow on my doorstep and go to sleep at night with the Aurora Borealis shining in the sky. I wish to see the fields of Tulips in the Netherlands and walk through their biggest Tulip garden where streams and brooks set the soundtrack for the evening.
I wish to see and experience all this with my family, because without them, I would not be the woman I am today.
Rabia is the mum to three girls and when I got married, I knew they had to be part of the bridal party. They added much needed sassiness and glamour to my day. Now young adults, I wondered about their personalities and how Angel impact their lives.
My first child, Angel is very friendly, loving, energetic and so smart despite her medical limitations. She is very resilient and the symbol of strength. She has a heart of pure gold,and there is never a dull moment with her. She is always so caring and finds her own ways to check up on you. She loves our little toy poodle, Ollie, and treats him like he’s her sibling since they have a love-hate relationship. They love each other but hate to see each other getting any attention. Angel has a love for music that runs deep in her bones. Anything with a good beat can get her up and dancing in no time, with chutney and soca holding a space close to her heart. She’s mischievous at times when she feels to be, like any other child, and even back answers in her own way. Like any other child that learnt they can ignore instructions even though they completely understand you, Angel does that too. She is 23 years old, but mentally, she’s 4 years old, which puts her in her phase of loving a good children’s animation. And like any other child nowadays,she loves a screen, specifically the TV. Angel has a hot foot, and loves to go out, even if it’s just to go pick her sister up from school.
Cheyanne is a beautiful, self driven young lady that works hard for her achievements.
She is very open minded and resilient, as she carries a mindset that when an opportunity arises, she will openly take it, even if it frightens her at first. She is caring and has a strong sense of family that she carries with her. She is always a good laugh with a great sense of humor. She has a great work ethic and has so much ambition that propels her forward. She is very fond of reading and can spend days getting lost in her literature. She loves Formula One racing and keeps up with it religiously. She has a love for photography and travel that I have seen since she was young. Cheyanne is kind and has a big heart. She always knows how to take the silver linings in dark situations and make it the key takeaway. She has a love for music, specifically classical and Opera, which I think came from us using a baby mobile that played Beethoven and Mozart for her.
Priya is the outgoing, feisty one.
There is always one of your kids to keep you on your toes, mine is my last child. Priya is creative and entertaining and has a deep love for the arts. Any singing, and acting, count her in. She loves to draw and enjoys makeup more than any one I know. She is very sure of herself and loves to beautify herself, be it with make up, accessories, or just styling her hair. She is moody sometimes, but there is a heart of pure gold beneath all that. She is probably the most affectionate out of all of my children, loves to hug, and enjoys a good family bonding evening where we play cards and just spend time together. Priya is a child that stands up for herself and does not shy away from conflict. She’s also independent and confident as she loves herself, which is a quality I admire. She has loved animals of all kinds and sizes since she was a little girl, with her favorite dogs being from big breeds.
Angel has definitely taught my girls patience.
I would say that they have better patience with people and animals than most people I know, and that’s saying something. They have learnt resilience because ever since they were babies, they have seen first-hand what it is to fight and overcome obstacles. They know to treat persons that are differently abled with respect and kindness, because that is the treatment they expect their sister to get. They were taught to be grateful for everything they have, even the little things like the ability to speak and express themselves. The simple things in life, like being able to eat on their own, walk without needing assistance and having the opportunity to get an education, are things in life that my daughters know to be grateful for. Angel has taught us all that experiencing this life the way that we are, is a privilege that all people are not privy to, and that is a lesson in itself. It opens your eyes and I’m sure it has opened my girls’ eyes to be thankful for what they have, and what they are able to do and experience.
While social media plays a part in distraction, it also serves the world by linking stories. Countless accounts of patients being dismissed by Doctors have surfaced online. In 2018, although I never thought it possible, it happened to me. Doctor’s dismissed symptoms of mine which could have ended my life. I was consistently sent home, disregarded. I asked Rabia about her experiences of doctors with Angel.
“Some doctors need to be more mindful of their patients’ situation and symptoms. Especially in life and death situations, some doctors become complacent which does not bode well for the lives placed in their hands. These doctors look at patients as a number and dollar signs, not as a person with real feelings. They don’t grasp that their actions have consequences and that they affect people’s lives, even long after they have dealt with the patient.”
On advice for parents in the same situation.
“Do not ever give up. Be strong, and find the silver linings in your dark clouds. No matter how hard life may feel sometimes, everything is temporary and better days will come. I want you all to know that even in the hard moments, where things feel overwhelming, but you still show up to be a parent for your child, you are doing a good job. Be gentle to yourself, you are doing your best and that counts for something.“
While most of us carry lipstick, odds and ends of the last shopping trip, Rabia keeps wipes, diapers, hand sanitizer and a change of pants and underwear in her handbag for Angel in case of an emergency. But there’s only a positive outlook from my childhood friend who credits her first born child.
“Patience, resilience, and that even on days that may feel like everything is going wrong, and that life is too much, there is always someone battling worse. She has taught me to thank God for small mercies. Love can come in all different forms; she is not a child that is able to express herself like others, but she will make you feel the love that she has for you.”
